There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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