Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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