when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
