it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
