I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
