dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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