the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
