sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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