my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
