I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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