afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
