we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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