I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
