..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
