gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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