So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We need to get me chipped asap
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
