I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
