How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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