Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
