Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
