i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
