he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
