It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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