I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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