Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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