weddingsv make me drug and hornr
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
