Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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