Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
