she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
