Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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