The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
