you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
