I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
