dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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