I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
