Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
