I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
