You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
