Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
