I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
