East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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