I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
