I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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