someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
