I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my shit smells like andre
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
