I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
