yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it's like iHOP with fire
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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