Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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