Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
