so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
