I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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