i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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