i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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