i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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