I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
