Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
