Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
