glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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