when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
