So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
